SARA POURKHAZRI

Kermanshah — "These boys need to understand that the word 'no' means 'no.' Whether she's a relative, a friend, a girlfriend, even a sex worker, or even your wife — if a girl says 'no,' it means no."

This line is part of a powerful exchange from the 2016 Indian film Pink, which delivers a clear human and legal message about a woman's right to refuse any act that violates her will — no relationship grants a man control over her body, and the word "no" is an explicit refusal that must be respected. The dialogue also exposes the danger of thinking that turns relationships into a justification for possession and violence — a mindset reflected in reality through the continued forms of violence against women, particularly when a woman's refusal becomes grounds for threats or harm, sometimes tragically escalating to murder.

In the latest episode of this escalating violence, Parwin Elahi-Dini was killed in the city of Masjed Soleyman after refusing a marriage proposal from a man. According to circulating information, the perpetrator forced his way into her home and shot her multiple times in front of her young child. Although authorities released a photo of the perpetrator, his features remained blurred and his identity was not disclosed to the public.

These crimes are not isolated incidents, but part of a recurring pattern of gender-based violence, in which women are targeted for exercising their right to choose and to refuse. Last year, a woman was killed in the city of Kermanshah after her suitor shot her, and just two months later, a 15-year-old girl named Sheida was killed in the city of Babol after being stabbed by her suitor. A woman was also killed in the western city of Eyvan after refusing a marriage proposal, while "Ghazaleh Hodoudi" was set on fire inside her workplace in the city of Sanandaj for the same reason.

These cases, alongside dozens of other crimes over the past two years, reveal a disturbing pattern of violence against women, in which a woman's right to refuse a relationship or choose her own partner can become grounds that threaten her life.

When the End of a Relationship Turns Into Threats and Violence

Sahar Q., a woman repeatedly threatened and abused by her ex-husband, says: "In the first days after I moved back to my father's house and had started divorce proceedings, he kept following me constantly. Wherever I went, he'd show up, saying angrily: 'You have no right to leave me.' He hit me several times in the middle of the street, in front of people. When I filed a complaint against him, I was told there was nothing they could do, because he was still legally considered my husband — so I got no protection under the law."

She continues: "One day, while I was outside the house, he suddenly stood in front of me and started an argument. Before I could respond, he poured the contents of a bottle over my chest and stomach. For a moment, I thought it was acid — my whole body froze with fear and I started screaming. He calmly said what he'd poured wasn't acid this time, but it would be next time. 'You won't get rid of me that easily.' In that moment, I realized his threats weren't just words — that he could do anything."

Sahar Q.'s words reveal that many women may face violence and threats not only from suitors, but even after a relationship ends, from their ex-husbands. Her experience shows that within patriarchal social structures, a simple word like "no" can trigger dangerous, vengeful reactions.

Patriarchy: From Normalizing Violence to Letting Killers Go Unpunished

Frankis H., a women's rights activist, says that in societies dominated by patriarchal systems, women are sometimes placed in a position where they are expected to serve men and fulfill their wishes without objection. Within this social structure, some men see themselves not merely as holding authority over women, but view any refusal from them as a challenge to their status and standing. This possessive mindset gives men a false sense of entitlement to give orders and expect obedience — so a woman's refusal may feel, to some, like an affront to their masculinity and authority, pushing them to try to punish or seek revenge against her out of a sense of humiliation.

She added that this mindset can push some men toward threatening and pressuring women, sometimes escalating to murder in certain cases. This violence is not linked to patriarchal beliefs alone — ineffective laws and weak protection and deterrence mechanisms also contribute to it, creating an environment that allows it to persist, noting that a number of women had previously filed official complaints and reported death threats, yet the absence of an effective legal response failed to protect them or save their lives.

She explained: "Men know that a woman's life doesn't carry much value in the Islamic Republic, and this dangerous awareness makes a man feel, in any situation, capable of acting as though he holds the power over her life or death. In effect, this structural devaluation of women's lives has made violence easier and less costly for men — to the point that it can even come to seem like a natural right, so much so that a man, whatever his position, behaves as though he holds the authority to determine a woman's fate."

She believes that when a government upholds the patriarchal system, laws and legal mechanisms may end up prioritizing men's interests. Within such a system, some men come to see themselves as holding special rights and privileges within personal and family relationships — a perception that can pave the way for violence, including the killing of women.

On another front, media outlets and the killer's relatives sometimes conceal his identity, while the victim's photo and details of her life are published without restraint. This style of media coverage exposes the woman to public judgment and blame, while shielding the man from social accountability, reproducing a cycle of victim-blaming and male impunity, as Frankis H. explained.

She continues: "There's no doubt the killer's image should be published, so he's socially condemned and shamed in a society that claims to oppose violence, and so he doesn't feel he still holds power. In a healthy society, public opinion should be sensitive to such crimes, and a person who has taken a human life should not be allowed to return to normal life without consequence. Unfortunately, though, this picture feels closer to an ideal society that doesn't actually exist."

She affirmed that this cycle of support and neglect reinforces men's sense of impunity and power, while leaving women in silence and injustice: "In a patriarchal society, there is always a factor that paves the way for the suppression of women and violence against them, and sometimes even the simplest behavior or decision a woman makes can become grounds for violence.

Stripping a woman of her right to choose can turn even her most basic rights — saying 'no' and setting boundaries — into a cause for violence. This cycle only ends when women's will is respected and protected, because respecting a woman's right to refuse is a matter of respecting humanity and justice."