Soma Karimi

Javanrood — Article 1169 of Iran’s Civil Code stipulates that child custody for parents who are separated is granted to the mother until the age of seven, after which it is transferred to the father. This is a legal right of the mother and not a negotiable privilege. Article 1172 also affirms that neither parent has the right to refuse to care for the child during the period of custody assigned to them.

Despite the clarity of these legal texts, practical reality reveals a wide gap between law and implementation. In many divorce cases in Iran, custody shifts from being a “legal right and duty” into a tool of pressure and bargaining between the two parties.

Shina Ahmadi (pseudonym), a 24-year-old mother of a five-year-old girl, recounted the story of her marriage, which began under family pressure and coercion and quickly ended in divorce due to repeated conflicts. She explained that her divorce document included her waiver of her dowry in order to secure custody support for herself and her daughter, noting that she was supposed to receive a financial settlement after the divorce.

Two years after the divorce, Shina has not received any of the money she was promised. Her ex-husband merely responds by saying, “You took your daughter, and that is your dowry.” She explained that her legal right to custody was effectively turned into a “price for the dowry,” even though the father was incapable of caring for the child.

What Shina experienced is not an isolated case. Recent reports indicate that numerous cases have been recorded over the past years in which custody rights were exchanged for waiving the dowry. Under this pattern, women find themselves forced to give up their financial rights in order to see or keep their children, while the child becomes a bargaining tool in divorce proceedings.

Ruqayya Salem (pseudonym), 33 years old, married at the age of 17 and became the mother of two children. She says she has not seen her young son since he was six months old, while her 13-year-old daughter has also been separated from her for a long time, despite an agreement that allowed her to visit them once a month.

She explained that her ex-husband’s condition for giving up custody or even allowing visitation was explicit: “If you give up your entire dowry, the children stay with you; otherwise, you will only take the younger child without our daughter.”

Economic pressure and the absence of social support forced Ruqayya to retreat and give up part of her dowry in exchange for being allowed to see her children. However, the agreement was not implemented after the divorce, and since then she has not been able to see her children.

Nasiba Qasimi (pseudonym) still lives in an unwanted marriage, not out of conviction but out of fear of the law. She confirms that her husband constantly threatens to deprive her of seeing her children if she seeks a divorce, on the grounds that custody would be granted to the father.

She pointed to her suffering from domestic violence, favoritism within the courts, and economic inequality, explaining that she does not even consider filing a complaint. She believes that her husband’s good financial status and the absence of behaviors such as drug abuse make it easy for him to be granted custody.

According to Article 1173 of the Civil Code, if the continued custody of either parent causes physical or moral harm to the child, the court may change its decision. However, in practice, many mothers confirm that a father’s violence, threats, or inability to care for the child rarely has a real impact on court rulings. As a result, the “best interest of the child,” which should be the core of judicial decisions, is marginalized in many cases.

Qualitative studies conducted between 2017 and 2018 showed that the forced separation of mothers from their children leaves deep psychological effects, including severe depression, chronic anxiety, insomnia, and a sense of helplessness in the face of the judicial system.

The stories of Shina, Ruqayya, and Nasiba are only a few examples among thousands of women facing an unequal custody system, where they are forced to choose between “being a mother” and “holding on to their rights.”

In this context, custody turns from a legal right into a means of pressure, the dowry becomes a bargaining tool, and the child becomes the subject of negotiation.